We need a new national anthem. There is a simple problem with the Star-Sprangled Banner: it's boring. Really, it is. Think about it: how would you feel with playing the whole thing at ballgames rather than just the first stanza? It would quadruple the length, you know. If you're not so hot on this idea, it might be because its time for a new anthem.

My personal suggestion: The Sopranos theme song. Its consistent with our foreign policy:

Woke up this morning,
Got yourself a gun

and our national vision in the post-9/11 world:

Mama always said you'd be
The Chosen One.

She said: You're one in a million
You've got to burn to shine,
But you were born under a bad sign,
With a blue moon in your eyes.

You woke up this morning
All the love has gone,
Your Papa never told you
About right and wrong.

But you're looking good, baby,
I believe you're feeling fine,
Born under a bad sign
With a blue moon in your eyes.

You woke up this morning
The world turned upside down,
Thing's ain't been the same
Since the Blues walked into town.

But you're one in a million
You've got that shotgun shine.